But it has. I can barely believe it but it has. Well, I’ve
done it. It didn’t just happen. But it’s in progress so even though it’s first
on the list, I ain’t worried about that anymore.
So …
- Get further on with The Impossible Thing. Hope to reach the
‘merely overweight & can use the work step ladders’ stage & then towards
the ‘seven stone off’ stage by early February. Okay … March. Something special
happens then. Present from my Fitness Guru Extraordinaire (known hereafter
as FGE) that’s waiting patiently in a drawer. Then I’m heading towards the
‘one hundred pounds lost’ stage’ & then the ‘lowest weight since
school’ stage and, by the end of the year, past the ‘eight stone off’
stage aka the ‘OMG, I lost the equivalent of my FGE’ stage and with maybe
less than a stone to go. Possible? Impossible? Just keep swimming, Sal.
- Drink more tea and alcohol. Kind of funny as ‘drink less’
would be a more expected resolution. Especially with ‘Dry January’, which
I suspect would be followed by a celebratory ‘Wet February’. Like if I
tried giving up cheese or crisps I’d go mad for them when I started back
on them again. So why bother. Surely January is bad enough without at
least a little of what you like drinking/eating? But the reason for this
resolution is that I always want to eat but it seems more normal to be
drinking a load of tea or alcohol. Just a mug of tea and some folk are
quite happy. And, as for alcohol, why don’t I drink more than just
occasionally? Most people do. Maybe it would make me happier. Maybe I’ll
finally try gin. Maybe I’ll even try that ‘write drunk, edit sober’ thing.
- Get a cat. I often think this when I see cat videos on
Twitter. I liked that one where a cat jumped on a small child and brought
it to the ground. They’re so cute, loveable and fluffy, especially when
they’re dressed up. A ginger one would be nice or something stripy like a
tiger. Not a dog ‘cos I’m allergic. A cat would be company. Might even save
on kettle boiling for hot water bottles, though it might be more likely to
give me a scathing look as it walked away.
- Swim outdoors in a Lido. There’s one in IIkley – never been -
or perhaps I could head South. It would make a good change from the
endless back-&-forth in the pool at the VVV, which of course I love
and never ever tire of. The Ilkley pool is shaped like a mushroom. I like
mushrooms.
- Keep my flat clean and tidy. No washing up from three days ago
lurking in the kitchen, a toilet you could eat your dinner off, books
dust-free and colour coded, carpet devoid of hair and crumbs. Visitor-ready
at all times.
- See either Squeeze, Nick Lowe or both on stage. Somewhere in
this country, preferably – remembering my lovely Nick Lowe in Glasgow trip
- a place I’ve never been before. Wherever I go I’ll just walk and walk
and walk. And maybe do a bit of eating too. I’ll see Chris Difford in
March, when he comes to Morecambe. Almost as if he knew I was here. And I
have tickets booked for David Baddiel and for Danny Baker too.
- Do more beach walking. Like last August bank holiday, to include finally seeing those rusty men at Crosby beach who stare out to sea waiting for something to happen. Hope we get some good weather on days I’m not at work.
- Front crawl. I only ever do breast stroke and a bit of walking. I'm going to give front crawl a go, even if its just a length or two to start with. Must dig out the goggles and nose clip I got a few years back, at the encouragement of the FGE. Got to confess although I don't mind sticking my head in the water I did say she'd 'taken all the fun out of it'. Time to give it another go.
- Decorate bedroom. This is the next room on my list. Will start
in the spring. I plan to buy a fabulous painting by Frances for above the
fireplace. For years I’ve had that framed Woody Allen vodka ad from 1966. He’s
temporarily covered up by pictures of Chris and Glenn from Squeeze. Woody had
to go.
- Do at least one reading. If I get my act together I could have
another go in the Pulp Idol heats. I have several novels started that I
could work up into something. Could give Kite Children a whirl, though I
can imagine the judge’s puzzled faces as I try to explain myself already.
Oh dear …
- Finally finish Priscilla Parkin Reluctant Celebrity Chef. The dreaded
third novel. Poor Priscilla always gets pushed to the end of the To Do
List and ends up falling off into the abyss of stuff-still-not-done. I
have four days booked off in Feb when I want to do a full read-through of
what I have and tackle the dreaded synopsis. Then I’ll submit to agents
again. Third time lucky? Still don’t want to self-publish, which is just
as well as I don’t know how to do that.
- Organise a family party for my Mum’s 80th. Am I capable of
getting my parents and maybe fifteen other people – some of whom don’t
have email or their own transport - to the same restaurant (perhaps The
Royal at Heysham) on the same day and add a speech and whatever else and
for some of it to be a surprise? Probably not. I wish my brother and I had
another sister and brother, maybe older and good at organising. Step up,
Sal, you’re fifty-two now. And once that’s done, I need to start planning
my Dad’s 80th for the year after.
- Get stories into a couple more anthologies. There are fourteen
on Amazon's Sal Page Page (Never fails to amuse me. Thanks Dad, for
giving me a good writery name.) There will be one anthology out this year
with a story of mine in that I already know about. I came third in the
Save As Writers Writing the City competition two years ago, which included
doing a reading in Canterbury. The original version of the story was
written in 2003. Blimey! Only a decade and half later it gets into a book.
Too slow for words.
- Buy a second bicycle. To keep going with the named after sitcom
character thing, I’d either call it Lance, after Lance in the detectorists,
or Shelley after James Shelley in Shelley. I’d need to make a bit of space
in the shed next to Brenda but other than that, no problem.
- Keep adding to my notes for my The Impossible Thing book. I’ll
be a millionaire! Or … I just want to help people. Sal solves the obesity
crisis single-handedly. Or maybe just inspires a few people. Can’t really
write it till I’m at target and maintained but when I think of something I
make a note of it.
- Take a class at the health club. It does get mentioned
occasionally by one of the staff. ‘Mix it up a bit?’ she says. I’m going
to be really daring and try Zumba, I think. I won’t like it but I’ll give it
a go. Might take earplugs for if the music’s too loud.
- Finally get to tweet food. I’ve been saying this for years but
surely this will become a reality soon. My Dad says you need all the ingredients
in a 3D printer the other end and that’s aside from the actual cooking.
What does he know? Well, he tells me he predicted the internet, email and
social media in 1970. He didn’t mention it at the time though, unless I
forgot. I guess at 4 years old I’d have believed anything. So if – massive IF - 2018 is the
year of the first ever food-tweeting I want to be in on it. I’ll be able
to tweet Stella a mug of tea when her butler is out & she can try
whatever I’m cooking. I could tweet AJ a Beef, Bacon and Beer Pie. (All
the Bs!) and all of my 1,066 followers could try my Shortbread and Cheesy
Oat Cakes. Get everyone hooked then start charging. Free for FlashDogs
though, of course.
- Stop buying clothes that don’t fit. Bide my time and save my
money. Waiting to be at target. Then, I’m going mad with proper shopping
in a big city. Many, many bags and pizza for lunch.
- Laugh more. I reckon I laugh loads anyway but when I got that
rail replacement bus the day after Boxing Day and everyone in the long
snaky queue was cross and moany and stressed and ‘it’s ridiculous’ ing, I
chose to just laugh. If anyone noticed, they probably thought I was
laughing ‘with’ somebody. (I wasn’t) or just that I was nuts (I love nuts)
but it was great. Yeah, laugh more. Just for the sake of it.
* A HAPPY & BRILLIANT NEW YEAR TO ANYONE WHO READ THIS FAR*
