ABOUT ME

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Morecambe, Lancashire, United Kingdom
In the mornings I’m a Nursery Cook, the rest of the time a Writer. Been writing for decades: short stories, plays, poems, a sitcom and more recently flash fiction, Creative Writing MA at Lancaster Uni and now several novels. Been placed in competitions (Woman’s Own, Greenacre Writers and flashtagmanchester) and shortlisted in others (Fish, Calderdale, Short Fiction Journal). I won the Calderdale Prize 2011, was runner-up in the Ink Tears Flash Fiction Comp & won the Greenacre Writer Short Story Comp 2013. I have stories in Jawbreakers, Eating My Words, Flash Dogs Anthologies 1-3, 100 RPM and the Stories for Homes anthology. My work’s often described as ‘sweet’ but there’s usually something darker and more sinister beneath the sweetness. I love magical realism and a comedy-tragedy combination. My first novel, Queen of the World, is about a woman who believes she can influence the weather. I’m currently working on a 3rd: Priscilla Parker Reluctant Celebrity Chef. Originally from West Midlands, I love living by the sea in Morecambe, swimming, cycling, theatre, books, food, weather, sitcoms and LBBNML … SQUEEZE!

Saturday, 10 November 2012

Cheeseman

I have written this for next time I get a phone call asking for a Mr. Cheeseman, Mrs. Cheeseman or Jeanie Cheeseman. I’ve printed it up and put it by the phone. Now I have my speech ready I’m sort of looking forward to the next call.

‘I’ve had many calls asking for Cheesemans. There are no Cheesemans here. I’ve had this number since September 2010 & there’s always been just me – a non-Cheeseman. It’s a lovely name but it’s not my name. I’ve never been a Cheeseman, never will be a Cheeseman and do not want to be a Cheeseman. If there was a man made of cheese here I’d have eaten him and he would be unable to come to the phone. Please tell your computer and all your friends that this number is not a Cheeseman number. Thank you.’

Hope it gets recorded for training purposes …
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1 comment:

  1. Stella10 November 2012 at 09:53

    ok Miss Cheesemen, sorry to have bothered you but can I interest you in ...............

    ReplyDelete

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